Raising a Uni-Ready Kid

For my day job, I teach at a university. Some of my classes are first year, some second year, and some third year, so I get a front row view of how students progress from beginning to end. Needless to say, I have also gone through the progression, myself, so I observe these changes with no small amount of nostalgia/annoyance/amusement.

I have often set my mind to lessons I learn about parenting from watching my students. Today, I thought to write them down. Take them for what they are worth, as being from a parent to a young child and a teacher, but not a child development expert by any means. But recent public discussions about education has fired my thoughts on this matter, so I thought I might share my observations and opinions.

Recently, the issue of "zero zeros" policies in public schools have made it into the news. It seems a high school teacher in Alberta was suspended at the end of the last school year for defying the principal's orders that no student ever receive a zero. In fact, today that teacher, Lynden Dorval, will attend a hearing to learn if he will ever teach again.

The basic theory behind this is that the failure to hand in assignments is a behaviour issue, and not an academic one, so teachers cannot dole out absolute fails for a student's refusal to do the work. They also say it's a way for each student to learn at their own pace, and not be penalized for falling behind, as well as reduce stress for students. (The idea being that punishing a student for poor behaviour or late work will reduce their overall learning, prejudice their permanent record against them, and discourage them from even trying.) The teachers are obligated, within these systems, to convince the student to eventually do the work, to offer extra time for them, to allow them re-write times, to set extra-credit work, to consult with parents about the behaviour, and/or to mark whatever was handed in, and to make the final mark out of that by dropping the non-assessable assignments. In some districts, teachers are obligated to offer re-dos/re-writes if the homework is plagiarized or the tests are cheated on!

You can probably imagine my misgivings about this policy. I can see that the theorists have their hearts in the right place, and I admit they know more about educational theory than I, but I can't help but think that deadlines (i.e. time management, attentiveness, and dedication) are part and parcel with education. I also question the practicality and long term effects of such policies.

How can you mark a student based solely on academics, when you require them to display the "behaviour" of handing something in at some point? What if the student hands in nothing? What does "unable to assess" mean in the long run?

How much work would I have done in school if I knew there were no consequences to doing nothing, and that other students were getting the same (or even better) marks for doing less than me? I know how I'd feel - like a sucker for doing any more than I had to.

On top of all that, how will parents know their 9th grader isn't doing any work unless the grades start falling?

I was rather shocked when these stories started hitting the papers, since this was certainly not the policy when I was in school. I was in high school in the 90s, so I did benefit from the early-onset of the "no child left behind" policies of extra help, peer tutors, extra support for students with special needs, etc, but we had many deadlines, and we certainly got zeroes when we earned them. Likewise, in university, classes run the same way - accommodation for special needs is plentiful, tutors abound, profs offer extra help, and medical and sympathetic re-writes and extensions are certainly not rare. Most professors are open to discussing time crunch grounds for extensions if they are needed to allow students to do their best, if they are approached correctly and maturely, and the decisions can be fairly and uniformly enforced. But, we do give out Fs and zeroes as warranted. I find this reasonable, and I am baffled by the public school policy of no-zeroes, even when the student fails to show for tests without excuse.

One of the main concerns I have is how on earth these policies are expected to mesh with university policies, into which many of these highschoolers are expected to file after graduation from public school. I can tell you, from what I've seen so far, they do not mesh at all.

In recent years, the number of students who complain about failing courses, despite their failure to complete the work, has risen. The number of students expecting re-writes, extra-credit assignments, re-weighting, etc, without any medical/sympathetic cause is astounding. The expectation on the part of students that all grades are negotiable is, well, infuriating. Until I learned of the public schools implementing this zero-zero policy, these trends didn't quite make sense.

Now, they do.

On an official level, many universities are also noticing a major increase in the percentages of first year students who "wash out" (get such a low GPA that they are asked to leave) or get placed on academic probation. I would not be surprised if this, too, was related to the no-zero trend. After all, if you managed to cruise through four years of public high school without doing the work, how much cumulative knowledge will you miss? Could you handle university calc if you never did any high school math homework in your life?

Finally, the amount of remedial assistance required for first and second year students is increasing. University profs are doing more grammar, basic research skills, citation introduction, composition crash courses, etc, than we ever did before. We simply can no longer assume students have written research papers before attending university. When I started at university, it was assumed we had these basics from high school, and that we knew how to write an essay. That way, profs could focus on their subject, rather than on the nuts and bolts. Not so today.

This is not to say I blame the high school teachers, whatsoever. If policies like this disallow strict grading and force public school teachers to give up their own time to track down assignments, etc, I don't know how much more we can expect teachers to do, and I suspect that many are just as frustrated with this as some college/uni instructors are.

So, where does this leave us? I suppose it is now, perhaps more than ever, in the hands of parents to aim towards a university-ready child. Now that I have a child of my own, I watch public school theory much more closely, and I have become convinced that it is up to me to do what the teachers are not allowed to do - which is have high expectations of my child, for his own sake.

From my experience, both as a student and a teacher, there are a number of things that seem to hold true:

Too Much Money = Too Much Booze.

(If not booze, then some other distraction, perhaps, but most likely booze. Booze flows like water on campuses, and students do tend to go a bit nuts on it the first few months, at least.) While it is certainly true that students who must work more than 10-20 hours per week at a job during term can suffer a resulting decline in their GPA, I must say the opposite can also be true. Students who have unlimited funds often fall prey to their privilege. My advice - pay the tuition if you can, buy them a meal ticket if you wish, maybe help with the rent if you have extra, but never hand over the Gold Card and tell them to have fun. Consider making all spending money their own responsibility, no matter what your finances are like. Summer jobs, at the very least, never killed anyone, and a steadily dwindling bank account has served as a good reminder of the costs of binging to many a student. (On a personal note, paying my own way through school from the ground up made me value it more, for what it's worth.)

Freedom Can Be Horrible.

This is not to say that "constant vigilance" is the right answer, either. On the contrary, I've seen students with strict parents explode the moment they move into a dorm and realize mom isn't there. Others despair over being alone and making so many decisions, all of a sudden. The best course is to steadily increase freedoms/responsibilities/privacy from early childhood, so by the time they get to university they don't go wild with the heady thrill of forbidden joys, or decline due to lack of supervision. Free range is not just for granola munchers, and is not antithetical to the other opinions here, if you think about it. (On a related note, for the love of all that's holy, teach them how to do their laundry well before they go off to university! Also, how to cook, clean, grocery shop wisely, change a fuse, bank, do simple car maintenance, etc, etc. Advancing slowly and incrementally towards adulthood needs to be the focus for years prior to attaining it.)

Not Everything is Negotiable.

Some of us born to Baby Boomers and the subsequent generations have grown accustomed to parental negotiation. I'm not talking about simple ones, such as "Can I have a raw carrot instead of cooked veggies?" or other matters of preference, but of negotiated expectations, rules, regulations, even punishments. While, naturally, everything must be flexible to some extent, and every situation is unique, some things should remain non-negotiable. One example I have heard recently was a person who got a third speeding ticket in her parents' car, an event which she had been clearly warned would result in a set duration of grounding. It just so happened that the grounding period fell during the wrap up of her senior year, and she negotiated with her parents to proceed with the grounding, but still allow her to go to every single senior-year event. She even got them to let her use the car to attend them! Basically, this limit was so negotiable, it was pointless. Like the law, employers, and universities, only set limits you are willing to enforce; otherwise, they teach nothing but that every limit is negotiable - a lesson that will backfire in the "real world."

Reasonable Tough Love is a Gift. 
Reasonable Expectations are a Part of Tough Love.

The meaning here should be self-evident. Children raised with consistent, stable love, affection and attention develop the confidence required for later success. However, this doesn't require you to be your child's "best friend" instead of a parent, and placing loving, transparent, reasonable expectations (and consequences) upon them can and should be a part of this from preschool to high school, and, thus, beyond. As long as you are, indeed, reasonable (via ample communication, information, and observation), expectations can be a sign of love. Knowing your parent expects a certain level from you should be taken as a symptom of their pride and trust, and there is no feeling quite like rising to meet that expectation. People will rise, or stoop, to expectations from the people they love, and these things should not be undervalued, because, in the end, this is how they will learn how to expect things from themselves.

The Best Perspective: "Your Future = Your Responsibility."

I cannot overemphasize the importance of self-reliance, responsibility, and self-direction, since university exists on these qualities. I have seen students forced to go to university against their will, and this is a shame. I have seen many complain how hard it is to do their work without their parents riding them to do it, or without their mothers hovering over the Master Calendar to remind them of their obligations at all times. In my experience, students should understand their own agency in their lives by understanding their future is in their own hands. Thus, that's where the decisions and responsibilities should lie, as well. Associated with this is a firm suggestion to parents to back off as much as they can. (If you are paying all the bills, do what you need to do in regards to seeing the grades, but please understand the execution of university education is solely on your "child.") I had a colleague who had to deal with a student whose mom was doing his homework, which is ghastly. I myself have had calls and emails from parents "checking in," asking me for special conditions, and/or demanding explanation of grades - one, even, who decided to negotiate an F the student earned on an assignment that had been plagiarized! My response to these is, and must be (according to university policy), "Due to confidentiality, I cannot discuss grades with anyone but the student." Repeat after me: University is not grade school. There are no parent-teacher conferences here, so you best prepare your scholar for this by making sure they understand to rely on themselves and take charge of their own futures.

~*~

A lot of the above can really be summed up by a healthy work ethic development, and an awareness of self-entitlement, and how to balance an understanding of self-worth with a necessary community rationality. Everyone is entitled to basic respect and rights, but no one is de facto entitled to rewards, by definition, and believing otherwise can be harmful. That is, a kid who says, "I am valuable, loved, and I have potential and responsibilities" is wonderful; a student who says, "I'm the center of the universe, so hand me what I want" is not. One will work because she owes it to herself. The other will not, because the world owes it to her. One sees the work itself as important; the other sees only the pay off. One views his profs as his guide, and demands that their prof help them foster their own future. The other views his profs as servants, and demands the profs hand him the credits he (or his parents) have paid for. One learns from zeroes, even if they sting. The other will only complain about them.

I know most parents know this, because I still see streams and streams of hard working, engaged young people in my work. But, believe me, I also know it is not always easy to strike this balance. Tough love can sometimes spark tears, and I understand that each tear the child cries comes at an emotional price to the parent. I wonder if less parents will be willing to pay this cost, just as less schools seem to be willing to give a zero where it's needed to send home a message.

The only advice I can offer is start them young, remain aware, make the most of every "teachable moment", seek help/information, be transparent and consistent in your expectations and reactions, and keep your flexibility (and sense of humour) intact. Know that failures come and failures go, but maintain hope and trust, and those expectations. Remember the old, "Give a man a fish..." chestnut? Basically, this is what I'm driving at. Give your child the ability to fish, and they should do alright.

And, finally, ask your child's school about the no-zero policy, as many do not inform the parents it is in place, and act accordingly. If your school is not challenging your child adequately, you may have to pick up the slack, which might involve finding supplemental or alternative education. But, above all, find out directly from the school, and communicate with your child about how the policy makes him/her feel about doing the work, and react as you see fit.

Anyway, just some rambling food for thought in keeping with the "Back to School" season. Keep your eyes on the prize, folks, and best of luck!

Wordless Wednesday: Legos Bring Pain

Just an average day at home.

My son never fails to leave a caltrop mine field for me, otherwise known as The Great Lego Desert, aka The Lego Debris Field, aka my living room floor.

Truth

I read an Indie (aka Self-Published) novel recently. I can't say it was good. It kind of wasn't. The writing was on par for some of my mid-range students. The formatting was atrocious, and the errors numerous, and, through the unhappy combination of the two, most of the sentences and paragraphs read like they'd been through a blender. I had to read a lot of the bits multiple times to understand them. So it wasn't great.

But, yet, something about it stuck with me.

I appreciate beautiful writing. Normally, typos and grammatical errors can pull me right out of the book, and this book was no different. But, the overall feel didn't dissipate for some time afterwards. With better execution and editing, it might have been a great book.

But I'm not really writing about the grammar here, but about that Other Thing that caught my attention.

Truth.

Now, having been in the university system as long as I have, I know Truth is an iffy word for me. Capital-T Truth - does it exist? Likely not, on the grander scale. But, I think for authors it does.

There were moments in this book when the author showed genuine, fearless Truth. Glimpses of himself. Real, honest, raw insights into his childhood, which was the kind no one should have to endure.

I don't know, perhaps all of that emotion and honesty got in the way of the technical aspects of his writing. I could understand that. It happens to all of us, even when we aren't writing such harrowing tales (which is why I thank the heavens for objective editors).

What is this thing, authorial Truth?

For me, it's when I feel like I am no longer reading a book by a stranger, but hearing the intimate, confessional whispers of someone close by. Some of the best authors can make you feel this way through the most fantastic fictions; others through unflinching recounting of their real history. But, as a reader, you feel it to the marrow. You are sucked into the most painful empathy. When the author-as-child cries out, you know the author still feels that cry, and you feel it, too. This, to me, is Truth.

There have been brief moments when I have written my own Truth.

Even in some of my published works, I can see the honesty, crouched and veiled to my satisfaction. Sometimes, too much honesty, and I am grateful most of my readers don't know me personally, because I wouldn't be that honest with people I actually know in real life. I don't write about true events in my published works (so far), but I write about things I've actually felt, and I can see it lurking around the edges of my characters' minds.

But, for the most part, I do flinch. I protect, I huddle, and I hoard my Truth. It wouldn't be too far off the mark to call me Standoffish. My personality is generally, "Friend to all, close to none." I wasn't born under a poker table, but I should have been.

This book, for all its glaring errors, made me ask myself why that should be. Is that what's missing from my books? Would they be better if I didn't edit out so much Truth? Will these new projects, some of them extremely close to me, be better if I stop being so guarded?

Can I summon the courage?

It's hard to tell, but I thank that author for his honesty and Truth, and for making me ask these questions. Writers are blessed people. We have so much productivity in our profession from which to draw such questions, thoughts, rambles. I found some in a rather unlikely place, this time, which ennobled the book in my eyes, whatever the style. Beauty can be more than just the lines, I think.

Long live Truth.

There's Something Special About Paperbacks (and Other News)

I want to be a paperback writer.

I know what you're thinking. We're in the New Age of reading, and eBooks are the way to go, right? That's fair enough. EBooks have opened a lot of doors for a lot of writers, myself included. But I can't help but confess that paperbacks are why I got into this business. I longed to see my name on a spine or two. Last Christmas, I sort of got my wish when Unwrapping Scrooge was included in a paperback anthology from Decadent Publishing. It was thrilling to finally sign something with a real pen. I admit, I felt Accomplished.

Right now, I am looking down the road at two paperbacks - the release of Textbook Romance in paper from Pink Petal Books in September 2012, and the paperback/eBook bundle of my Rebel Ink Press holiday shorts in October 2012. Currently, I am considering cover concepts for the RIP anthology and mulling over titles.

I'm excited.

While I'm not decided on whether I will send my RIP collection to my Mum (they're rather graphic, and, though she's no prude, I am a chicken), I can't wait to send her a copy of Textbook Romance. Sadly Strings Attached never made it to print, so this will be the first novel I've had that I can mail to her.

So, that's my big whirl at present. My teaching term ended with June, and I've been resting up and cleaning/organizing with much of my vacation hours so far, but also preparing for these releases. Soon, I will start looking for promo ops for them, and gearing up the release festivities.

Some musings on the wanderings of muses.

Since I'm among friends, I have to say that I feel these books have some importance to them. I mean, as in Importance to My Life Story kind of importance. Recently, I have been struggling with some Questions. Where am I going? What am I really doing in this business? Some of my answers have been dismal. Many times, I thought to quit. I still do, some days. But, I know something's about to change. Things can't stay this way forever, and these books feel like a milestone.

Over the past year, I've started working on several "Top Secret" projects. No, I'm not bringing down any governments. I've been working outside romance, and outside erotic romance. I've been working on a few different things, including my academic book, and some stories with bittersweet endings, and some with horrifyingly dark corners, ones without romance, a personal story, and one in particular that has consumed much of my thoughts for some time.

Why don't I talk about them here? I guess because it's awkward to discuss "leaving" romance with people who know primarily as defined by my romance.

I have not, and will never, stop loving romance as a reader. I'm not likely to permanently stop writing romance, either. (I have no less than seven romances of various lengths in draft, semi-complete, outline and/or treatment stage, so I do expect to return, eventually.) But, right now, I need to get these other stories off my chest. I need to see if I can do something successful. Something a bit outside my comfort zone.

I'm not going to write anything that will shame me, or betray the ethics, optimism and light I hold dear and have always tried to bring out in my romance works, so have no fears. I'm still Anne Holly - just one trying on some new shoes for a bit.

I would love for you all to join me as I brave the new frontiers, and I will be sharing more about this in the coming months, as I break in those new shoes.

And have no fear - I have a romance all outlined for NaNoWriMo this year! With luck, at least two of those aforementioned projects will be in the can by then, at least in draft form, now that I have a bit of a break from teaching.

One last note before I end this ramble: Some New News.

The Editors at Rebel Ink Press and I have tentatively agreed to include a new story in the collection, which will be exclusive to that bundle/paperback!

Reached by Facebook consensus, the holiday I am tackling is St Patrick's Day, and, like the other stories, it features a miss-matched couple flung together over thew course of a holiday. Also like the other ones, it will be a slight homage to some of the romance subgenres I have loved over the years. This one plays with "single dad," "small town" and "travel romance" tropes, especially those made great by the HQ SuperRomance lines - only, you know, erotic. I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of it!

I'm rusty at it, I find. I hadn't expected to be back writing sizzle and snogging so quickly. But, it's also kind of fun, and I look forward to seeing what becomes of it.

And, for the paperback I've dreamed of for so long, it's totally worth it!

Teacher Crushes, Anyone?

Continuing my celebration for the release of Textbook Romance, let's discuss something - falling in love with Teacher.

Now, Textbook Romance involves a mature student and a university prof who fall in love, but it isn't a "teaching the teacher" kind of book. I have nothing against those, really, but that's not at the core of this one.

Still, I have to admit there is a sort of special attraction to teachers. I myself had a couple memorable teacher crushes, particularly in high school when all the boys around me where less than intellectually stimulating.

One of them, we'll call him Mr M (just in case anyone puts two and two together in the vast interwebs of embarrassment), was at the tail-end of my senior high sentence. In retrospect, aside from his startling blue eyes, he was no heart throb, but he was so gorgeously intelligent. Being a word-inclined teenager in a very rural place, where most people considered the TV Guide their favourite literature, this was overwhelmingly attractive. He and I even went on a little field trip together once, to complete an advanced project I was doing in Library Sciences (yes, I was a dork), just he and I. sigh.

Alas, I was a chicken, and never said anything, and he, well, he was a professional adult who likely never even noticed me beyond the "enjoyable, well-behaved, keener-student" level. Still, Mr M has skittered around the edges of my imagination ever since.


Thanks to all those teacher-crushes, I developed a strong belief that intelligence and maturity are essential in who I see as an attractive person. School teaches us a lot more than we even realize at the time; way beyond Library Sciences.


So, stop by and tell me about your teacher crush in the comments below.


Remember, all comments here between Friday and Monday morning will be entered to win an ebook copy of my new contemporary romance novel Textbook Romance, courtesy of Pink Petal Books. (Over 18 only, please.) Contest ends Monday, June 25, 2012, at 12pm EST.

Loss

While brushing up my final lecture for my spring term course, I recalled, in the back of my mind, an article written before I was born by one of my favourite professors from my undergrad days. Off to Google I went. I found enough of it to add a little note to my lecture, and then decided to Google the prof himself, wondering why we ever lost touch.

Tom was not just my favourite professor, but one who had left an indelible stamp on me. If not for him, I would not be where I am now. I know people say that a lot, but it's fact in this case. I simply would not have a PhD in this particular field had he not been one of my first mentors in the subject. His enthusiasm, joy, off-beat perspective and keen mind opened so many more doors for me than dozens of other, less fiery profs could/had done. He was also kind and forgiving with me when I likely didn't deserve it, and stern with me when I needed it.

His questions still shape my scholarship.

When I was deciding to go on for my MA, he bought me dinner and counseled me, honestly and lovingly, like a colleague and a friend. Then, a while later, when he and I had both left the university where we first met, and we were provinces apart, it was to him that I reached out, via email, wondering if I really had what it took to do a PhD. I received a telephone call immediately. His guidance, approval, voice was important to me, I realized.

He was The Teacher I Wanted To Be.

We drifted a part after that, I admit. I was busy, and so was he, and he wasn't really a Facebook type of guy, I guess. I often thought about him, but rarely took the time to contact him. Once or twice in the five or six years after that, I think. I don't think I received a response the last time I did.

Still, he lived in my mind.

Tonight, upon Googling him, I discovered that Tom died two years ago. Two years. And I never knew. Two years ago, and I feel like it just happened. Because I didn't know.

Around the same time I was becoming a PhD, he was becoming... something else, I suppose. (Not even a PhD is enough to answer some questions, I admit.)

Every major academic thing I have written since then, I have dedicated to him, or acknowledged him in some fashion, and I will continue to do so. When my first academic book is published, it will be in his memory.

To Tom, who was there for me then, and is still, and will be, long after death.

Educating is a powerful calling, and a calling with power.

April was Busy. May... Well, May May Be Hell

Well, folks, I guess I slipped in my promise to post more regularly. Believe me, I thought about it several times, from under the pile of marking that trapped me. However, Winter Term 2012 has been successfully put to bed.

That's the good news.

Now, the bad news...

In May and June, I am teaching an intensive course that is compressed into six weeks, and today I got a call from another department that is stranded and looking for a prof for another one. So, yeah, I might not be back into the blogging swing as much as I'd like for a while yet, especially considering I am expecting second round edits for Textbook Romance at any minute.

I also turn a whole year older on May 17, so cut me some slack for infirmity.

And, I must admit, I have discovered a trove of 21 Jump Street episodes on YouTube, which was not very good for inspiring hard work in my "leisure moments," I can say, honestly.

Oh well - I shall soldier on!

I hope everyone's having a wonderful spring, and the humidity isn't killing you yet.

Sokath, his eyes uncovered!

Living with small children is like a Federation diplomatic mission. They look odd, dress in bizarre ways, and their favourite foods are completely incomprehensible. Their modes of communication are even less transparent.

For example:

Tot: Diego. And the Baby Shower.
Me: Baby shower?
Tot: Diego's baby shower. His noise, "Rowl Rowl."
Me: Oh, Diego and the Baby Jaguar?
Tot: Yes.
Me: Then...?
Tot: Diego. And the Baby Jaguar. With the Macaw.
Me: (silence)
Tot: Alicia and the kinkajou.
Me: Okay, I'll play. Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra!
Tot: (silence)
Me: Temba, his arms wide?
*mutual stares of confusion*

And to think it's only going to get worse in the teen years. Shaka. Shaka, when the walls fell, indeed.

Yet, for the good of the future, one must keep trying.

*

PS: Voting at TRR, where Strings Attached is nominated for Best Contemporary Romance 2011, closes tomorrow - please vote, if you haven't yet!

Wisdom: More Old Age than New Age, I suppose

The share button has become our new version of self help. I guess the books are pretty long and there are too many channels on TV. It's easier just to hit like on a quote than seek long term transformation, admittedly.

It's amazing, all these motivational moments and things one sees around online. Dance as if no one is watching. Realize your inner beauty, strength and spirit. Don't spend your time passing time, but savouring it. Learn to embrace adversity. Be determinedly joyful of every minute of every blasted day.

Many of these little things are actually great; good quotes, pretty pictures, and I get the sentiment behind them. However, the underlying concern seen in some that if I am not in love with every single moment of my life as a strong, wonderful, beautiful whatever, then some dolphin saluting the sun will weep for the damage I am inflicting on my soul, or light, or lifeforce, etc... That's just silly.

Many of them seem to call upon us to learn from small children, and fling ourselves into the constant state of ecstasy that is our biological world... Have you seen small children? Many of them are in states of frustration, sorrow, pain and/or anger a lot of the time. I would not encourage an adult to act like a small child all the time, unless you'd like three hots and a cot on the Bellevue tab.

Sometimes, life is just plain frigging hard. Some days inspire less gratitude, peacefulness and happiness than others. Some days, if you are dancing for joy, you just might be insane. Some moments, you will be neither beautiful nor strong - sometimes, you will be ugly or nasty, and weak, and you will fall. There are periods in life that may be educational in retrospect, but just aren't pleasant at the time. And no motivational poster or inspirational profile pic will make it so.

If you get through those times, congrats! You've done your job. And don't feel like you're not meeting some yogic requirement of perpetual gratitude by facing it a little on the grumpy side, as opposed to bowing to the sunset and smelling the flowers with poise and inner grace.

I believe it is true that most of the time life is what you make it, and facing things with a positive outlook can change how you see your challenges. But it would be insensitive of me to assume mind conquers all matter. Occasionally things are crappy no matter how gentle your reed bends.

Sometimes, it's not how much you feel "blessed every second," it's whether or not you live to love another day better.

***

A little note on blogging. As you might have noticed, I have not been doing much of it, recently. I burned myself out, to be honest. Now, I guess I am back, I think - but with 90% more rambles than ever before. I have no pearls of wisdom to share on writing, or the New Future of Publishing, or anything of that nature. So, I may as well do what I like best about this whole business - just write, and see where it leads me.

True Story

Little story from my day today...

I was in the kitchen, when my Tot comes to me and says, "Mommy, I wee-weed in my chair." I groaned a bit, but, hey, accidents happen. I follow him into the living room, to his rocking chair. I look. I see nothing. I ask him again, "You wee-weed in your chair?" He says, "Yes, I wee-weed in my chair." I look again. Again, no evidence of urine. I ask him to show me.

He sits in his chair, rocks back and forth vigourously, saying, "Weeee! Weeee!"

I was torn between relief and groaning again.

Happy Leap Day Birthday!

My son turns the big Oh-Four today - our first time celebrating on the 29th!

Happy Birthday, Sprout!

Happy birthday, also, to all the other Leapers out there. I admit, I'm impressed by such a rare and awesome birth date.


*
Image taken from frogstore.com.

There Goes Spring Break...

It was glorious: A week away from lecturing. On the downside of that, I had marking up to my eyeballs, but at least I could do it my jammies. But, now, the glory that was Spring Break is over. Back to the grind, now. Day started off by email, and now I am finishing up my lectures for the week.

sigh.

In other news, I got my edits for Textbook Romance in my email over the weekend. They don't look impossible, though there were cuts (not unusual) and character issues (difficult, but I'm sure I can swing them), and many general questions - one that, like usual, was a big "Oh man, how did I miss that?" moment for me. That happens every time - editors are keen eyes!

I have three weeks to finish them, so I'll be buckled down on those for a while.

I'm still working, slowly but surely, on the WIP. I still have to talk about this on the blog, I know. It's still "Top Secret" until I am sure I'm going to stick with it. I'm a little shy about revealing the details. In time, though, I will surely share.

Well, off to brew some coffee and then back to work.

Have a great week, all!

Thurs 13: Thirteen Things I Have Been Doing Instead of Blogging...

I plead guilty to gross negligence of a blog. No contest! But, it's not like I've been slacking. Here are a few of the things I've been doing recently instead of blogging...

1. Teaching. 160 minutes worth of lecturing a week doesn't seem like much, until you include the hour of student emails per damn day, reading and researching, the hours of prepping my lectures and Power Point presentations, the office hours, and the afternoon of exhaustion the lecturing inspires, etc. 
2. Marking. This deserves a bullet of its own. 75 students; a ton of assignments. So, so much marking. *shudders*
3. Cooking. Why do children require 3-5 meals a day? Who do I write to appeal that?
4. Cleaning & Laundry. Same as above, but "Why do children make instant pigsties wherever they are, always?"
5. Birthday prep! Yes, my three year old is about to become a four year old! Excitement is already in the air.
6. Sleeping. I know, I know. Selfish. But, I have had a taste of semi-adequate sleep, and I am addicted to it now.
7. Promo. I was metaphorical-balls to the proverbial-walls trying to sell the Valentine's Day book, often by writing blog posts for other peoples' blogs. If it's any comfort to you, blog, it still didn't sell, so I've learned my lesson.
8. Writing. Yes, I do do this occasionally. (Soon, this will be doubled with editing.)
9. Making coffee. Often. A lot.
10. Mothering. General story reading, boo-boo kissing, cuddles, trips to the park, bathing, playing cars, watching cartoons, dressing dollies, making play-dough thingamabobs, etc. And, no, I'm not willing to trim that time. Soon he'll be a teenager, and I will have to bribe him to even say hello, so I am making hay while the sun shines.
11. Cat mothering. Ralph the cat - adorable, and a lot more work than I remembered around the time I foolishly thought, "Hey, maybe I'll get myself a cat for my birthday."
12. Basic administrative maintenance. I hate the smell of tax returns in the morning, and don't even ask me about student loan paperwork.
13. Wasting time. Yes, I admit it, okay? There have been spare moments where I could have blogged, but I was commenting on someone's cat pic on FB, instead. I've been reading forums, too.  Sometimes, I even (*gasp*) read for pleasure! So, sue me. Dammit, it was relaxing. Did you see the rest of this list? I think I deserve it. 

So, there's a glimpse into my world. Welcome to it, if you're still awake.

Blog Fail

Okay, so I have not been keeping up with the blog. I was keeping busy with the Valentine's Day promo push, and work, and mothering, and writing... etc. On top of all that, I will soon have the first major edits for the summer release to dive into. Whew. I will continue to try to do better, and I hope to soon start sharing tidbits from my new WIP with you as it progresses. To be honest, it's taking up all my "spare time" at the moment, which is good for me as a writer, and good for readers someday (I hope), but not great for the blog. Sorry!

Happy Family Day to those of you in Ontario, and I think my American friends also have President's Day today. We're also on Spring Break here at the university, which means no classes, but tons of marking for me. sigh. Well, whatever the cause to celebrate or kick your shoes off, a long weekend is sorely needed! I hope you're all enjoying!

Take care, and thanks for checking in.

Newsletter Preempted - Sorry!

Hi folks! Yesterday was the date for my February newsletter, but I was down with some sort of tummy virus that afternoon, and ended up crashing. I will spare you the gory details, but it wasn't pretty - you might have needed a HazMat suit to open your email to avoid catching what I had.

In any case, I'm all over the internet this month, so you'll have lots of chances to get sick of me, and I'll be sure to include a treat or two in next month's newsletter, just by way of apology.

Thanks to all my subscribers, and best wishes to you all!

If you'd like to sign up for the next issue, you can do so here.

Oh, Yeah! I have a Blog!

Yes, well, I have no excuse for my slacking aside from exhaustion, busyness and returning to teaching this week. Also, I've been slightly under the weather. Wait, that's a whole bunch of excuses!

In any case, I guess I should make a quick addendum to the resolutions post (which I never did get around to posting) saying something about being better with blogging. Or something like that.

Will get back to regular very soon, once the holiday promo drain has warn off. In the meantime, please enjoy this pretty picture:

The End.

Holiday Memories (with Giveaway)

Welcome, RomFan Reviews blog hoppers!

I chuckled when Annette told me that the theme for this blog hop was to be “holiday memories,” because there’s only one thing that comes to mind… and I’m not sure if people really want to hear about it. In retrospect, given this Thing that comes to mind, it’s kind of a surprise I have become a “holiday romance writer.” (That’s not all I write, but I’ve kind of overdone it on the holidays, so that’s becoming my reputation.)

You see, this Thing that came to mind was – wait for it – throwing up.

I know, a bit on the TMI side, but this really is my firmest holiday memory – because, you see, it happens every single damn year, or at least it seemed to, until recently.

When I was a kid, there were two things I loved that we only ever had at the holidays – grapes and soda pop. They were too expensive, and “special,” so my parents only got them at Christmas. I recall us keeping the 2L pop bottles under the kitchen table in December, and how I used to count the days until Christmas so we could crack one of those suckers. I don’t know why I liked pop so much. Perhaps it was simply because I wasn’t allowed to have it the rest of the year. And grapes, well, those things are simply awesome. So, the result of gorging myself, every year on these things? Almost ever year – possibly every year – I would consume so much that I made myself ill, and Boxing Day always found me waking up a bit green from my adventures. Holidays are often seasons of excess, and I am no saint.

A few years ago, this excess came in the form of a roast chicken. I am a vegetarian, and I have been since I was fourteen years old. I refuse to tell you how long that is, exactly, but rest assured it has been a long while. But, when I got pregnant, I decided I would go with my cravings, within reason, in case they were my body’s way of telling me I was lacking things. I had an extremely healthy pregnancy on a careful vegetarian diet – except for one, ill-advised night when I was about seven months along. Christmas Eve 2007.

That night, I was craving roast bird. Not turkey, since I have always hated turkey, even when I used to eat meat. I wanted chicken. I always loved chicken, and it was the hardest of the meats to give up, I admit. That Christmas eve, when looking at a Swiss Chalet delivery menu, I cracked. I love their perogies, so that was my original intent… But I knew they were famous for their wonderful chicken. And I picked a chicken dinner with all the fixins’. Call it pregnant lady insanity, but there I sat, gorging myself on dead bird and dressing. I was in heaven.

Not so much about 2am that night when my chicken dinner left my body of its own accord. Let’s just say the chicken and I had a horrible breakup that left me lying helpless and crying on the bathroom floor for about an hour. Merry Christmas to me!

As it turns out, that would not be the only time my son would have me up and sobbing at 2am. However, it was the last time the Christmas Up-Chuck Curse hit. Since then, my holidays have passed relatively uneventful, as far as gastrointestinal discomfort is concerned.

Why? I don’t know. Perhaps I have learned a few lessons about the size of my eyes in relation to the size of my stomach. That would be nice. I have no desire to carry on the tradition.

And that’s the most striking memory that comes to mind when people ask me about my most memorable holiday. I’ve had many good and bad holiday experiences, but this Thing really is hard to beat.

Oh, and the grapes? My son and I still ring in every New Year with a big bowl of them. With ginger ale soda. But we don’t overdo it. Some traditions don’t warrant getting handed down through the generations.

Happy New Year, one and all!

*

Leave a comment and tell me about your worst or most humiliating holiday moment for a chance to win a Kindle copy of my New Years erotic-romance, Bubbly, via Amazon. Winner will be drawn Dec 31, 2011.

*

Anne Holly is a Canadian writer of romance and erotic-romance, as well as a mother and teacher. She is the author of the novel Strings Attached, which was described by The Romance Reviews as “a classic contemporary romance.” She has been published by Wild Horse Press, Decadent Publishing and Rebel Ink Press, and in 2012 by Pink Petal Books. Anne’s work is characterized by its unusual heroes, sweet/spicy balance, witty dialogue, responsible citizenship, and its positive, optimistic nature. She has found a particular niche in holiday romance. You may visit Anne at her blog or website, or find her on GoodReads, Facebook and Twitter  (@anneholly2010). Sign up for her newsletter here. Email her at anneholly2010@gmail.com.

General News

How can it already be mid-December? The days are simply flying past these days, even though my lack of sleep these days also make parts of the week crawl by. In Real Life, I am up to my neck marking, trying to get the term papers marked by this weekend so I can be shod of this class before the holidays. It's going slowly, but surely. At least the exams are all marked and done, so I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also  finished my holiday shopping, aside from groceries, and am looking forward to getting in some R&R very soon.

In the meantime, I have some news that I felt I should quickly run down...

First, I have a new contract all signed and off in the post. It might have even arrived, depending on whether the snail mail cart was pulled by one mule or two. I have signed my newest full length novel off to Pink Petal Books, a new company to me - but not a new company, itself. In fact, it's fairly established for an ebook company, and I am very pleased. They seem to like the book, my editor seems friendly and enthusiastic, and the company seems to have a good reputation for contemporary romance, which seems to be fading with other companies. Yes, I am very pleased.

The book, currently entitled Textbook Romance, is the story of Liberty, an anti-romance university prof, and a wonderful single father who seeks to change her mind. I confess a lot of it takes place over Christmas, but I have opted to release it for Father's Day, since Seth's dadhood is such a huge, adorable part of his character. It will be out in ebook in June, with luck, and in paperback in September 2012. I am thrilled to have another contract to look forward to - I was getting antsy, since my Rebel Ink series finished off.

Second, I guess it was that ARe newsletter interview, and possibly all the appearances I've been doing, but Unwrapping Scrooge has taken off in a big way! I'm very happy, but a little confused, since the book came out last year. But, hey, I'm certainly not complaining - it's been great, and I'm seeing the sales in general go up. Perhaps someone liked Unwrapping Scrooge so much they decided to try the others? Who knows! Whatever is going on, I'm grateful.

Third, I have hired a PR company, Sizzling PR, to book a month long blog tour for me and my Valentine's Day book V-Day, so that's exciting. It sounds so grown up and professional, doesn't it? It was certainly affordable, so we'll see if it results in a few sales. V-Day is a good little book (in my humble, totally-unbiased opinion), so I hope it gives it the leg up it deserves. I am also running a month-long promo on TRR for Strings Attached all of January, so hopefully we can create a bit of synergy between all the books. I'm learning as I go.

(I am open to guest shots and interviews of all sorts for Jan-Feb, and then again all summer, so contact me if you have spots open!)

I will be around a lot over the next few weeks, still promoting the Christmas books, along with the New Years book. Please come on back this weekend for the blog hop, and keep an eye out for the other blog hops and blogfests and interviews and guest posts and reviews, etc, etc, etc, that I have going on. (See the "Events" tab above.) To be honest, I can't remember everything off the top of my head any more.

Well, back to marking. Thanks for checking in. I'm glad I managed a little news update today. Some fairly invigorating new developments, no?

Take care, and happy holidays to all!

What are you Reading this Christmas?

I have a stack of papers to finish grading this week, but I powered through the exams - it's looking possible for me to get a two week vacation before second term! Well, aside from polishing up the syllabus for that second term class, but I hope that won't be too arduous.

So, I have a stack of novels all ready to enjoy with my R&R time.

A few of them are:

• Home in Time for Christmas - Heather Graham
• Lock, Stock and Secret Baby - Cassie Miles
• Yuletide Protector - Lisa Mondello
• Never Say Never - Geralyn Dawson
• Prescription: Baby - Jule McBride
• Night Shield - Nora Roberts
• Take Me Home - Jerri Corgiat
• The Delaney Christmas Carol - Kay Hooper, Iris Johansen, Fayrene Preston
• ETA: Her Wish-List Bridegroom - Liz Fielding 

And, there's no way I'm not finally going to read The Christmas Fantasy by KT Grant, now that I have my paperback copy of Yule be Mine, which includes four Decadent Publishing novellas - including one of mine, which is why I have it - but I've been dying to read The Christmas Fantasy since last year.

I will also be reading a book on religion and violence I got at the uni library, and I have a stack of HQ Presents to fill out the extra . And, of course, my yearly readings of A Christmas Carol, Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre. Also, whatever I get in my stocking, and anything else lying around, if I have the time, of course. Sigh. It's so wonderful to get some reading time, I intend to squeeze in as much as humanly possible!

So - what are you reading this Christmas?

Last Class!

Today is the last class of the term. Keeping it light and loose - go over that last article, and then spend the rest of the class reviewing for their exam on the 8th. Also collecting 125 term papers, much to my very enthusiastic delight. (Does sarcasm come through in text?)

I admit, I'm exhausted. Teaching is tiring work, but I'm finding the class size, plus the two class-times per week and the fact that it's a whole new course to me, even more so. I am ready for a break, so I can rest up for next term - in which I will be teaching another all-new course, twice a week, to 75 students. Fun!

Over the next couple of weeks, I will have 125 papers to mark, plus the written portion of 125 exams. Thankfully, the computer grades the multiple choice portions, so that's a bit of a time savings. It will be a rush to the finish line so the students can get their marks and so I can maximize my vacation time.

Winter term starts January 3. That seems depressingly close when typed out like that.

Oh well, no rest for the wicked!

Good luck and best wishes to all the students and teachers out there as we round off the term!