Thursday Thurteen: Book Promo Outside the Box

(And, yes, I know I misspelled Thirteen. I'm living on the edge here. Deal with it.)

My fiction has been published and for sale since 2010, and since shortly before that I have made it a point to discuss "the Biz" with other authors - learning the ropes, discussing Craft, spreading the good word, making connections, soaking up the gossip, and chewing on the Big Subject: sales and promotion.

I've joined forums, discussion groups, etc, etc, and this keeps coming up - How on earth do you sell your ebook?

Don't get excited that this post will help you, at all, since I clearly don't know, either. I was a fiend for doing marketing, taking guest spots and interviews everywhere for a while last winter, and you know what I made? Bubkes, that's what I made. Well, okay, maybe not quite. $17, I think, is more precise.

So, obviously, I don't know anything about selling an ebook.

Well, that's not entirely true. I know the rehashed ideas everyone recommends - blogging, guest blogging, social media (all sorts), interviews, posting your sales links ad nauseam, etc. I've even paid out for promo, and nadda. Aside from an interview on a Big Site and reviews, I haven't seen any of the normal things work.

Thus, I hereby announce Enough Is Enough.

I'm done with the "normal things." It's time to go to the mattresses on this whole promo game.

Therefore, this week's Thursday Thurteen (TM):

13 Promo Plans with Flare

1. Shave the title of my book into the President's dog's pelt. (Not saying which President, or President of What; just a President.)

2. Convince George Lucas to release yet another butchered version of Star Wars with Greedo not shooting first, but wearing a t-shirt with my website url on it. Come to think of it, that would still be better than the "revised" versions.

3. Hire sky writers in every city to find the last remaining adult readers of m/f contemporary romance.

4. Once I find said last remaining readers of m/f contemporary romance: Give them puppy eyes until they cave.

5. I think prisons may be an untapped market for romance novels. (Makes "To Do" note for later.)

6. Change the title of my novel to How to Make Millions Publishing to Kindle!

7. Step One: Find a Leprechaun. Step Two: Wring his bloody neck til he makes with the luck.

8. Step One: Steal Underpants! Step Two: ... Step Three: Profit!

9. Start a cult.

10. Revise manuscript and add a vampire businessman who likes BDSM. We'll call him... Edw...mund.

11. Travel the rails, living colourfully, until I die of a gamey foot - only to have my work discovered, posthumously, by an enterprising young writer for the NY Times in hipster glasses and a $200 plaid shirt who has a thing for novelists-turned-hobos.

12. Go back in time and somehow ensure I am born the lovechild of Amazon's CEO. Or at least that of the dude who's in charge of their sales rankings and "Special" lists. Or that of the guy who has college photos of either of those two that they'd prefer not be seen. (It's a fluid plan.)

13. Get caught sexting steamy excerpts with a member of the Royal Family.

Well, there you have it. How can I possibly fail this time, right?

Oh, and hey, while you're here, why not check out my Amazon profile? Free shoeshine with every hundredth purchase.* Honest, you'll see your face, guv'nah.

*Offer void everywhere. Some restrictions apply.

Without Further Ado... My New RIP Covers!

These are the new covers for the short romantic erotica books, Good for the Goose and V-Day, that are being re-released by Rebel Ink Press in August. 

Good for the Goose focuses on Natasha, a successful professor and recent divorcee, and the unexpected love affair she has one Christmas break with a fiery pursuer - a Spanish grad student more than a decade younger than she! Good for the Goose is both strongly erotic and passionately romantic, dealing with issues of rejection, regrets, fear of living again, and the persistence of young men with their minds set on the lady of their choice.  

This cover centers on Raphael, the young lover who brings Natasha the magic of Christmas despite the chill, as well as the fireplace they share while snowed in. The cover's black satin feel evokes not only the story's sensuality, but the dark moments of grief pinpointed throughout Natasha's journey. Plus, the boy's pretty cute, too, which never hurts at all! 

A quirky romantic-comedy erotic story told from the male perspective, the Valentine's installment V-Day is a lot less intense in many ways. Young violinist Daniel dreams of winning first chair of his university orchestra, and of finding love. He crushes on the pretty physiotherapist who lives next door to his family home, where he lives with a mother who thinks Jello molds and sweaters are the height of cool and a father who has never been seen on the other side of a newspaper. He knows he wants his life to be different - passionate and creative. The trouble is, no girl has ever seen him as more than a friend, and the girl next door, Bronwyn, may never see him as anything other than the 14 year old peeking through her shrubs that he was when she moved in! One long Valentine's weekend, a serenade and a whim can change all that, but how can Daniel make it last more than three days?  

This cover uses the imagery of Valentine's Day via the flower, melded with Daniel's two loves - his violin and the girl next door. The colours and brightness of this cover echo the lighter feel to the book. 

Good for the Goose and V-Day will release in August 2011. They will be followed by a Hallowe'en romantic-comedy erotica with witchy overtones, a romantic erotica featuring Thanksgiving for the salt of the earth, and a no-holds-barred New Years Eve tale told among the rich and famous. Five stories from August through December - all featuring mismatched couples and mirroring the best qualities of their respective seasons. 


The exact release dates are TBA at the moment. I'll be sure to let you know when these two holiday erotica tales, as well as the next three in the series, become available.

Thanks go to the art department at Rebel Ink Press.

Daily Dose of Frustration: Non-"Zany" Need Not Apply

Right now, I looking for a publisher for my new novel - my NaNo story, which is currently in editing and re-writing. I am hoping to submit by the fall, so I'm casting around for the best shot for publishing. I am looking for something mid-class this time - not too small, but not too lofty, either. Some company that sees half decent sales, makes some token effort at marketing and can help me produce a quality book. Not too huge a list of wants.

This week, I came across this lovely little snippet on a submission instructions page of a mid-range ebook pub:

Contemporary Romance: Fun and whimsical, these books should showcase your sense of humor and focus on a modern couple in a zany situation.

"Zany"?

Really?

Zany only, huh?

Damn you Bridget Jones. Damn you.

So, fine. I understand that people like zany. I can appreciate that. I love Bridget Jones, actually. But, honestly, is this the only market out there? Readers only want to read zany romance (if it doesn't involve sulky vampires, that is)?

My NaNo novel is not a zany romance, nor is Strings Attached. Now, this does not mean I am devoid of humour (in fact, my new WIP is a comedy), but these first couple of full lengths are serious contemporary romances. Not quite melodrama, but focusing on honest emotions and mature, realistic people. Not zany people.

(Zany people are, like, girls who wear red dresses a lot, which randomly get blown up by the wind, right, and inexplicably carry bunches of daisies way too often? Zany guys, I can only assume, wear a messenger bag all the time.)

(Yeah, I don't have any of those.)

So, it seems I am simply not zany enough for the category of contemporary romance in today's market.

Perhaps I should see if I can re-write into it a pouty nosferatu as Plan B...