Perhaps this is not news to everyone. It was news to me, in a way. Before I had a child, I had no idea what I was capable of. Now, I know mommies can do anything.
I have opened up a broken DVD player and, somehow, managed to revive it with nothing but a screw driver - it was one of those days that I really needed an hour's respite provided by Blue's Clues, and had no money for a new machine, so I managed. I have hauled home bags of groceries in one arm and a screaming child in the other without collapsing. I have finished a degree with a nursing child on my knee. I have managed so much more than I ever thought possible.
More, even, then I could have done without being a mommy, though I know that sounds paradoxical. Being a mommy unlocked a whole deep well of inner resources of strength, and determination, and resolve. Being a mommy, in a sense, ended my own childhood. Now, I know - if I do not do it, no one will. I must depend on myself, because the tot depends on me so. There is no longer an option to throw my hands up in frustration. Everything, always, must go on. And it's up to me to make sure that happens.
On Friday, I woke up to find my computer monitor and phone had both simultaneously died. Both had been malingering for some time, so it wasn't a shock, but it was a major setback. Especially since Friday was a holiday in Canada, so there were no stores open to replace them.
Recalling a stowed away busted up phone in the storage closet, I unearthed it and got into working condition as a temporary stop-gap. One problem solved in the meantime!
Digging out the old 1990s computer monitor stashed in the storage room did not result in a similar positive ending. The poor old thing simply could not handle modern graphics. So, I tried opening up the dead newer monitor - no luck, though it sputtered for a while. In the end, I fished out the emergency laptop to suffice for the time being until I can find a very cheap monitor. I miss the files on my old hard drive, but at least I have rudimentary internet functionality, even if on an 8" screen that looks more like a calculator on steroids than an actual computer.
And this allowed me to finish a crucial job application on time. And to keep writing my daily quota.
I didn't cry, I didn't throw a tantrum, I didn't lose hope. I just did what I had to do. I did, however, call my mommy, though - because mommies are also good for sympathy.
It's been one heck of a weekend. Here's to luck improving.
And here's to all the mommies! ;)
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