Raising a Uni-Ready Kid

For my day job, I teach at a university. Some of my classes are first year, some second year, and some third year, so I get a front row view of how students progress from beginning to end. Needless to say, I have also gone through the progression, myself, so I observe these changes with no small amount of nostalgia/annoyance/amusement.

I have often set my mind to lessons I learn about parenting from watching my students. Today, I thought to write them down. Take them for what they are worth, as being from a parent to a young child and a teacher, but not a child development expert by any means. But recent public discussions about education has fired my thoughts on this matter, so I thought I might share my observations and opinions.

Recently, the issue of "zero zeros" policies in public schools have made it into the news. It seems a high school teacher in Alberta was suspended at the end of the last school year for defying the principal's orders that no student ever receive a zero. In fact, today that teacher, Lynden Dorval, will attend a hearing to learn if he will ever teach again.

The basic theory behind this is that the failure to hand in assignments is a behaviour issue, and not an academic one, so teachers cannot dole out absolute fails for a student's refusal to do the work. They also say it's a way for each student to learn at their own pace, and not be penalized for falling behind, as well as reduce stress for students. (The idea being that punishing a student for poor behaviour or late work will reduce their overall learning, prejudice their permanent record against them, and discourage them from even trying.) The teachers are obligated, within these systems, to convince the student to eventually do the work, to offer extra time for them, to allow them re-write times, to set extra-credit work, to consult with parents about the behaviour, and/or to mark whatever was handed in, and to make the final mark out of that by dropping the non-assessable assignments. In some districts, teachers are obligated to offer re-dos/re-writes if the homework is plagiarized or the tests are cheated on!

You can probably imagine my misgivings about this policy. I can see that the theorists have their hearts in the right place, and I admit they know more about educational theory than I, but I can't help but think that deadlines (i.e. time management, attentiveness, and dedication) are part and parcel with education. I also question the practicality and long term effects of such policies.

How can you mark a student based solely on academics, when you require them to display the "behaviour" of handing something in at some point? What if the student hands in nothing? What does "unable to assess" mean in the long run?

How much work would I have done in school if I knew there were no consequences to doing nothing, and that other students were getting the same (or even better) marks for doing less than me? I know how I'd feel - like a sucker for doing any more than I had to.

On top of all that, how will parents know their 9th grader isn't doing any work unless the grades start falling?

I was rather shocked when these stories started hitting the papers, since this was certainly not the policy when I was in school. I was in high school in the 90s, so I did benefit from the early-onset of the "no child left behind" policies of extra help, peer tutors, extra support for students with special needs, etc, but we had many deadlines, and we certainly got zeroes when we earned them. Likewise, in university, classes run the same way - accommodation for special needs is plentiful, tutors abound, profs offer extra help, and medical and sympathetic re-writes and extensions are certainly not rare. Most professors are open to discussing time crunch grounds for extensions if they are needed to allow students to do their best, if they are approached correctly and maturely, and the decisions can be fairly and uniformly enforced. But, we do give out Fs and zeroes as warranted. I find this reasonable, and I am baffled by the public school policy of no-zeroes, even when the student fails to show for tests without excuse.

One of the main concerns I have is how on earth these policies are expected to mesh with university policies, into which many of these highschoolers are expected to file after graduation from public school. I can tell you, from what I've seen so far, they do not mesh at all.

In recent years, the number of students who complain about failing courses, despite their failure to complete the work, has risen. The number of students expecting re-writes, extra-credit assignments, re-weighting, etc, without any medical/sympathetic cause is astounding. The expectation on the part of students that all grades are negotiable is, well, infuriating. Until I learned of the public schools implementing this zero-zero policy, these trends didn't quite make sense.

Now, they do.

On an official level, many universities are also noticing a major increase in the percentages of first year students who "wash out" (get such a low GPA that they are asked to leave) or get placed on academic probation. I would not be surprised if this, too, was related to the no-zero trend. After all, if you managed to cruise through four years of public high school without doing the work, how much cumulative knowledge will you miss? Could you handle university calc if you never did any high school math homework in your life?

Finally, the amount of remedial assistance required for first and second year students is increasing. University profs are doing more grammar, basic research skills, citation introduction, composition crash courses, etc, than we ever did before. We simply can no longer assume students have written research papers before attending university. When I started at university, it was assumed we had these basics from high school, and that we knew how to write an essay. That way, profs could focus on their subject, rather than on the nuts and bolts. Not so today.

This is not to say I blame the high school teachers, whatsoever. If policies like this disallow strict grading and force public school teachers to give up their own time to track down assignments, etc, I don't know how much more we can expect teachers to do, and I suspect that many are just as frustrated with this as some college/uni instructors are.

So, where does this leave us? I suppose it is now, perhaps more than ever, in the hands of parents to aim towards a university-ready child. Now that I have a child of my own, I watch public school theory much more closely, and I have become convinced that it is up to me to do what the teachers are not allowed to do - which is have high expectations of my child, for his own sake.

From my experience, both as a student and a teacher, there are a number of things that seem to hold true:

Too Much Money = Too Much Booze.

(If not booze, then some other distraction, perhaps, but most likely booze. Booze flows like water on campuses, and students do tend to go a bit nuts on it the first few months, at least.) While it is certainly true that students who must work more than 10-20 hours per week at a job during term can suffer a resulting decline in their GPA, I must say the opposite can also be true. Students who have unlimited funds often fall prey to their privilege. My advice - pay the tuition if you can, buy them a meal ticket if you wish, maybe help with the rent if you have extra, but never hand over the Gold Card and tell them to have fun. Consider making all spending money their own responsibility, no matter what your finances are like. Summer jobs, at the very least, never killed anyone, and a steadily dwindling bank account has served as a good reminder of the costs of binging to many a student. (On a personal note, paying my own way through school from the ground up made me value it more, for what it's worth.)

Freedom Can Be Horrible.

This is not to say that "constant vigilance" is the right answer, either. On the contrary, I've seen students with strict parents explode the moment they move into a dorm and realize mom isn't there. Others despair over being alone and making so many decisions, all of a sudden. The best course is to steadily increase freedoms/responsibilities/privacy from early childhood, so by the time they get to university they don't go wild with the heady thrill of forbidden joys, or decline due to lack of supervision. Free range is not just for granola munchers, and is not antithetical to the other opinions here, if you think about it. (On a related note, for the love of all that's holy, teach them how to do their laundry well before they go off to university! Also, how to cook, clean, grocery shop wisely, change a fuse, bank, do simple car maintenance, etc, etc. Advancing slowly and incrementally towards adulthood needs to be the focus for years prior to attaining it.)

Not Everything is Negotiable.

Some of us born to Baby Boomers and the subsequent generations have grown accustomed to parental negotiation. I'm not talking about simple ones, such as "Can I have a raw carrot instead of cooked veggies?" or other matters of preference, but of negotiated expectations, rules, regulations, even punishments. While, naturally, everything must be flexible to some extent, and every situation is unique, some things should remain non-negotiable. One example I have heard recently was a person who got a third speeding ticket in her parents' car, an event which she had been clearly warned would result in a set duration of grounding. It just so happened that the grounding period fell during the wrap up of her senior year, and she negotiated with her parents to proceed with the grounding, but still allow her to go to every single senior-year event. She even got them to let her use the car to attend them! Basically, this limit was so negotiable, it was pointless. Like the law, employers, and universities, only set limits you are willing to enforce; otherwise, they teach nothing but that every limit is negotiable - a lesson that will backfire in the "real world."

Reasonable Tough Love is a Gift. 
Reasonable Expectations are a Part of Tough Love.

The meaning here should be self-evident. Children raised with consistent, stable love, affection and attention develop the confidence required for later success. However, this doesn't require you to be your child's "best friend" instead of a parent, and placing loving, transparent, reasonable expectations (and consequences) upon them can and should be a part of this from preschool to high school, and, thus, beyond. As long as you are, indeed, reasonable (via ample communication, information, and observation), expectations can be a sign of love. Knowing your parent expects a certain level from you should be taken as a symptom of their pride and trust, and there is no feeling quite like rising to meet that expectation. People will rise, or stoop, to expectations from the people they love, and these things should not be undervalued, because, in the end, this is how they will learn how to expect things from themselves.

The Best Perspective: "Your Future = Your Responsibility."

I cannot overemphasize the importance of self-reliance, responsibility, and self-direction, since university exists on these qualities. I have seen students forced to go to university against their will, and this is a shame. I have seen many complain how hard it is to do their work without their parents riding them to do it, or without their mothers hovering over the Master Calendar to remind them of their obligations at all times. In my experience, students should understand their own agency in their lives by understanding their future is in their own hands. Thus, that's where the decisions and responsibilities should lie, as well. Associated with this is a firm suggestion to parents to back off as much as they can. (If you are paying all the bills, do what you need to do in regards to seeing the grades, but please understand the execution of university education is solely on your "child.") I had a colleague who had to deal with a student whose mom was doing his homework, which is ghastly. I myself have had calls and emails from parents "checking in," asking me for special conditions, and/or demanding explanation of grades - one, even, who decided to negotiate an F the student earned on an assignment that had been plagiarized! My response to these is, and must be (according to university policy), "Due to confidentiality, I cannot discuss grades with anyone but the student." Repeat after me: University is not grade school. There are no parent-teacher conferences here, so you best prepare your scholar for this by making sure they understand to rely on themselves and take charge of their own futures.

~*~

A lot of the above can really be summed up by a healthy work ethic development, and an awareness of self-entitlement, and how to balance an understanding of self-worth with a necessary community rationality. Everyone is entitled to basic respect and rights, but no one is de facto entitled to rewards, by definition, and believing otherwise can be harmful. That is, a kid who says, "I am valuable, loved, and I have potential and responsibilities" is wonderful; a student who says, "I'm the center of the universe, so hand me what I want" is not. One will work because she owes it to herself. The other will not, because the world owes it to her. One sees the work itself as important; the other sees only the pay off. One views his profs as his guide, and demands that their prof help them foster their own future. The other views his profs as servants, and demands the profs hand him the credits he (or his parents) have paid for. One learns from zeroes, even if they sting. The other will only complain about them.

I know most parents know this, because I still see streams and streams of hard working, engaged young people in my work. But, believe me, I also know it is not always easy to strike this balance. Tough love can sometimes spark tears, and I understand that each tear the child cries comes at an emotional price to the parent. I wonder if less parents will be willing to pay this cost, just as less schools seem to be willing to give a zero where it's needed to send home a message.

The only advice I can offer is start them young, remain aware, make the most of every "teachable moment", seek help/information, be transparent and consistent in your expectations and reactions, and keep your flexibility (and sense of humour) intact. Know that failures come and failures go, but maintain hope and trust, and those expectations. Remember the old, "Give a man a fish..." chestnut? Basically, this is what I'm driving at. Give your child the ability to fish, and they should do alright.

And, finally, ask your child's school about the no-zero policy, as many do not inform the parents it is in place, and act accordingly. If your school is not challenging your child adequately, you may have to pick up the slack, which might involve finding supplemental or alternative education. But, above all, find out directly from the school, and communicate with your child about how the policy makes him/her feel about doing the work, and react as you see fit.

Anyway, just some rambling food for thought in keeping with the "Back to School" season. Keep your eyes on the prize, folks, and best of luck!

My Opinions on Lending, Borrowing and Piracy

I know you've all been dying to hear my feelings on the matter, so in light of all the discussion on several of my author boards in recent weeks, I've decided to post a little note on the topic of "piracy" and "sharing" and "lending" and "ebook libraries," etc. Okay, so maybe you haven't been dying to know, but you're going to hear, anyway, 'K?

I should preface this whole discussion by saying that my opinions in no way reflect those of my publishers. They protect copyright, and I appreciate them for it, and I try to follow their policies as closely as I can, since I signed a contract with them and I wish to honour that relationship. Thus, anything I write here does not trump my agreements or change the publishers' desire/actions to protect their investments.

Having said that, I personally go back and forth on the subject.

I admit, I'm torn. I get the sense from others that I should possibly be outraged, like so many of my colleagues, when my books get read for free. I understand this feeling, I really do. When I see one of my books circulating for free, I sigh a little with disappointment. On one hand, it's kind of nice (as a new, little author) that people want to read my book, but it's disappointing that they'd rather not pay for it.

I get paid very little for my work, as it is. This is not my "day job," and I don't live in luxury. In fact, I teach on contract, and I struggle a lot of the time to keep the roof over my kid's head and food on the table, just like everyone. I don't write books for the money, but it would be nice if I got some bread out of publishing them. So, while it's great that people are reading (which really is a dream come true in its own right), it's also discouraging to see free copies going around when I make so little money for creating them.

Don't get me wrong here. In light of being perpetually broke, I also understand that it's hard to afford books at times. I sympathize, believe me. This is likely what saves me from "outrage" and keeps me in the "exhausted sigh" range. It's just not an easy time for anyone right now.

Now, piracy is a different issue from lending. Lending sites don't carry the files; they just match-make lenders with borrowers. Piracy sites hold the file and feed it out endlessly, which is a harsher sort of bummer.

Lending books is a time-honoured tradition, so it's harder to be annoyed by that. I've borrowed paperbacks from people, and I've lent some, so the word "lending" is difficult for me to cry over.

In fact, as a newish author, lending has a nice ring to it. There's a major part of me that thinks how wonderful it would be for someone to turn to their friend with one of my books and say, "Hey, take this - you'll like it!" That's the kind of "marketing" money can't buy, and is worth much more than its weight in gold.

The ebook lending sites are not quite that, though. There, it's strangers lending and borrowing, without the personal recommendations and shared enthusiasm. I still hope it can lead to new "fans," but it's hard to say. Somehow, it just seems different than a couple of sisters swapping paperbacks, but I think I need some more time to figure out how I feel about it.

For now, I guess the word around the block is that ereaders and distributors allow for this, so it's not illegal. So, for the time being, we kind of have to grin and bear it no matter how we feel, and hope for the best. For me, the best outcome is that people borrow one or two, enjoy my work, recommend me or buy my other books. That wouldn't be so bad, come to think of it.

(I should note that I have very little actual knowledge of how lending works, but I'm pretty sure it's not the end of the world. From what I gather, only certain Kindle books are available (which might actually work in the "little" author's favour, if the Big Pubs opt out), and only for 14 days at a time. I've heard B&N only allows ONE lend-out per purchase, EVER, so if that's true I don't think that's much of a threat. (I don't know for sure how many times you can do it with Kindle books, since I've seen different answers.) But, as I say, I don't have hard knowledge, so who knows? My gut says, though, Amazon would be all over lending sites and forums if they were a major drain on profits.)

(ETA: I have since discovered that Kindle books can also only be shared once.)

However, as an aside, I must say I'm not keen on the word "library" for actual file share sites. Libraries pay premium prices for their books and materials, and often buy multiple copies and eventually replace worn ones. Ebook files don't wear out, so it's a different kettle of fish. Eventually, someone could wait around and read my entire opus without anyone paying a dime, theoretically, if ARCs if my books are the root source. (This would be my not-so-good outcome, obviously.)

That's a bit alarming, the speed and eternity of it all. This is where file sharing squicks in a way paperback lending doesn't, I guess.

But I have to admit, while the poverty-stricken me would like the royalties, I cannot come down on the anti-lending side. Would everyone who "borrows" (or straight-up pirates) my book buy it, otherwise? Likely not. But does that put a rosy ring around file sharing? I honesty don't know.

I see good; I see bad. It's how I generally roll.

There is one final thing in all this that weighs on me, though. I know I can't be the only writer who's considered quitting due to the sometimes-low compensation in this business. (Most small pub and self-pub authors don't get advances, so we depend on royalties, which is a crap shoot.) I will always write, since I love it, but I struggle often with whether publishing is worth it. There are better paying second jobs, that's for sure. Or, I could finally get some sleep with my "spare time." Does diminishing the already meager pay-outs for authors discourage productivity? I'm not sure, but it's something I worry about. Yes, I know libraries and friend-sharing has always been with us, and books kept being made, but I wonder if file sharing could be what will drive the genie back in the bottle on indies and small publishers. Sure, there are less gate keepers in publishing today, or at least more gates available, but maybe the pirates will be what knocks "little" authors out of the ring instead. Will the burnout rate keep climbing?

The "everything online should be free" trend is something to consider over the coming years, in my opinion. It's not the whole issue-enchilada, but it's something to think about.

So, after all that rambling and prevarication, what am I left with? I'd love it if people bought my books, but I'm not foaming at the mouth over the whole thing, especially the lending. It might well have some benefits, even if it's frustrating when sales aren't great as it is.

I'm actually kind of okay with people wanting to "borrow" one of my books to see if they might like the others, to be honest. A little flattered, even. But, I would like it if that borrow led to a purchase at some point, I admit, or some other form of reciprocity. Thus, maybe this is my best wish: If you read one of my books for free, and I won't ask how, and liked it, maybe you could leave a review some place. That way, I still get something good out of it. That would lessen my indecision, I think.

In the meantime, I guess my only conclusion is that things happen as they happen. I'll just keep on writing, and not worrying about sales, or sharing. Out of my years of experience on this earth, the only piece of advice I've ever come across that really sticks is this: "Keep on trucking."

In other words: Keep calm and continue writing (and reading), folks.

And, regardless of how you come across my books, I do hope you enjoy them. In the end, that might be the only profit I can really hope for, and the only one that lasts.

Female Shifters: The Rarest of Beasts

I say rare, but not totally absent, mind. There have been some very good, popular books featuring women who turn into various werecreatures. However, it is my impression this is relatively uncommon.

Why would this be? Why do the dudes get all the shifting fun?

It has occurred to me that the practicality of this is that books are seldom written from the shifter's POV. We writers like to place the book through the eyes of the "normal" character, thereby allowing the reader to experience the story though relate-able eyes. Like the reader, the normal character is thrown into a situation that is outside his or her everyday life, and this makes it easier to reveal the details of the book's world. It also allows for an element of surprise, fear and occasional frailty, which wouldn't be as easy to achieve through the eyes of a powerful shifter.

Similarly, most romance, paranormal-romance or erotic-romances are largely told through the female character's POV. Hence, the predominant use of male shifters, from a practical angle, I think.

However, there is a cultural reason, as well. First, that very frailty authors like to explore are simply more acceptable in a female character. As a society, we are more comfortable with the male being the powerful being, for right or wrong. Often, we are intolerant of fictional males weaker than the females they love, and are less jarred by the reverse, regardless of how well this mirrors reality. Further, there is a psycho-sexual dimension to this - female readers (the target audience) are believed to be drawn to strong males, and not to weaker males. The description of a dark, mysterious male shifter with the power to both love and kill them is meant to tap into the ultimate in alphamale desire.

Hence, the relative scarcity of female shifters, I think.

In writing my new WIP, I have been struggling with these things, and how to balance the needs of the story with the expectations of the audience.

However, I do believe there is room for more female shifters. I am a female, who loves to read romance, and I find the presence of an extremely strong female character quite alluring, especially if there are other factors that balance out the power dynamics between the male and female leads. I will just have to hope there are enough people out there that feel likewise!

So, that is something I've been thinking about lately as I write and read.

***
Please, feel free to comment and suggest female shifter romances below!

On Teachers

As summer turns to fall, and all the little scholars are trudging off to class, my mind turns to my own school days. It's hard to believe how long it's been since I first started school - 28 years now, since I first braved those school bus steps. And now it's been almost ten years since I first started teaching (first, as a grad student TA and now as a prof), and over a year since I finished work on my terminal degree by turning in my doctoral dissertation (almost a year since I actually got the sheepskin). That's a long time to be in the school world. None of it feels like it was a waste, though there were days during that I wondered where it was all going.

My school career was rather lackluster for the first while. In the fourth grade, I had a teacher I adored, and she got me interested in writing short stories (and busted me *hard* for my first and only act of academic dishonesty when I copied an essay on dragons from one of my encyclopedias - whoops!). Other than that year, I didn't start reaching my potential until the sixth grade, when we moved to a small school with only five classrooms and no gym. My teacher was also the principal. There, I began to flourish. I realized - hey, I'm pretty smart, and I can do this writing thing pretty well! It wasn't that my ego just turned on; it was because my teacher made me believe in my skills, and helped me foster them through encouraging me to work hard.

I took that into junior and then senior high, where I developed into a (head)strong, independent, young woman, confident in my brain and my creative abilities, and ready to face the world. Four or five high school teachers, joined later by a handful of university professors, really stand out in my mind as significant, life-long influences on me; those who encouraged, challenged, cultivated, disciplined, praised, bullied, and befriended in just the right amounts, and told me that the world was open to me - me! Me, who grew up in a loving but desperately poor family out in the middle of nowhere. I could do anything I wanted!

And I have.

I can honestly, and truly, say, in the deepest gratitude, that nothing I have done in my life would have been accomplished without them. My mother set my feet on my path by valuing books, but my teachers directed me in that path. Without them, I'm not sure I would have found my way. It likely wouldn't have even occurred to me to even try to find it.

So, to teachers - what you do is important; as important as doctors, law enforcement, or any profession that gets paid out the ears. It is a profound responsibility. We all should stop and value you more than we do. To students - make the most of it. These people have a way of sticking with you for life. It's been a long road for me, but I've had the best of help. I'm thrilled to now be helping new students. Teaching may be the ultimate form of paying it forward.

Have a great term, everyone!

Happy Labour Day!

Enjoy the fruits of your labour, and I hope everyone is having a great long weekend!

As a society, we are only as safe as our workplaces and our labour force. In the midst of the media fury over terrorists, we tend to forget the threats closer to home. Continue to care about labour issues, the fight for workplace safety and security, and the right to fair and equitable work environments for all - at home and abroad.

We have those workers who came before us to thank for the rights we now enjoy.

So Long, Jack

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

- Hon Jack Layton (1950-2011)

I don't often talk about politics on this blog. This isn't a current affairs blog, and I tend towards the private with my political, spiritual or philosophical leanings - my authorial arena is public, while those things are personal. I don't even believe in being a card-carrying partisan.

However, when I'm talking about the recently passed Jack Layton, I'm not really talking about politics. Or, rather, I'm talking about something that goes a bit beyond, or above, politics.

I'm talking about the Jack spirit.

It's about optimism. It's about hope. It's about acting in an earnest and positive manner, without being fearful that people will scorn your sunshine. It's about daring to be a happy person.

Jack Layton was a fighter. He believed in what he did. But he wasn't nasty. He was determined.

I don't think many people could survive in public service for very long if they were total cynics, but Jack went so far beyond this that the only word to describe him is indomitable. Even when it became clear that he was not going to win his fight with cancer, he looked towards the future. He took the time to write a letter, urging other cancer patients to retain hope, urging young Canadians to keep their energy, urging all Canadians to believe there is a better Canada. Like his political-forefather Tommy Douglas, Jack reminded us, as he has always reminded us, that it's never too late to fight for a better world.

Jack Layton's smile, the subject of much public ribbing here in Canada, is his legacy. Disarming and friendly, it often led people to underestimate Jack - yet, he went on to drag the NDP from the "third party option" to the opposition, something that many didn't believe possible. Jack showed us one can go about one's work both cheerfully and intelligently, and maybe even better than those who mistake rudeness for savvy.

So, no - I'm not really talking about politics. My writing has always been about optimism. About how the kind and the cheerful are underestimated, and the power of positivity over negativity. How hope, an undervalued gift in a harsh world, does have the power to heal and bring about better things.

It's okay to declare yourself an optimist. Don't be embarrassed.

In my winter 2012 project, the hero is a small town Canadian politician, a boundlessly energetic and tireless champion for a better world. I've renamed him Jack. It's only a little romance, but it's the best tribute I can offer.

So, farewell, Jack. Thanks for everything - especially the reminder.

Child Characters in Romantic Fiction

I was reading a HQ SuperRomance a couple of days ago that dredged up one of my pet peeves.

I can't stand it when children are more like props than actual characters. Yes, occasionally they talk, but when they are just "Generic Girl Child Aged 3" it looks like no effort is put into making them real people. They weave in and out of the story only when needed - usually only as a source of conflict for either party as they anguish over having a "readymade family" to deal with. The main characters are very seldom home, with the child in any convenient care (daycare, with the neighbours, etc) - some books don't even bother to explain who is watching the child while Main Character 1 and Main Character 2 are off having their passionate picnic. (What parent goes on a daytime picnic in a pretty park without at least wondering if they should bring their child?) The absolute worst: When they are merely written into the book so they can sustain some major medical trauma for the purpose of bringing the parties back together again, having never attained more than prop status throughout the book. That last one kind of disgusts me.

Now, I have also seen some great romance novels where the child acts/seems like a real kid, and the parent-character actually thinks/speaks of the child once and a while when s/he is not directly involved in the scene. I have seen some great books that allow the child to interact with one or the other main character directly; where they have a scene alone together instead of the child just wandering in the room during important "grown up plot talk." Some books give the child character some development, which is hard to do with any secondary character and really rewarding for the reader. I have even seen some who allow the child a POV scene or two!

I am a mom who is parenting a 3 year-old on my own at the moment - I just can't handle novels that relegate the child to the status of a desk chair. I know my son has a very distinct personality - he acts and talks in an idiosyncratic way, the same as adults do. I also know that most mothers and fathers think/talk about their child a lot.

Now, I know none of us wants to read pages and pages of parents bragging/fretting over their kid, but I really do appreciate it when writers make me believe the child, and the family unit, is real.

Please stop using child characters as mere props. A child is not a potted plant. That child character some writers ignore would likely be the center of the main character's world - that is not an issue you can ignore and still maintain realism. Okay, I admit this view is largely based on a very personal understanding of parenting, but it's one reader's opinion, and I am willing to bet I'm not the only one.